and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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