i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
