bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
