legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
