haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
