No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
