He uses pillows to masturbate.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
