matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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