he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
