he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
