And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
