McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
