shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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