She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
