like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
