i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
