I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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