His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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