I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
