On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize