I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
