yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
