One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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