i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
