there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
