wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
