Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
