im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
