got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
