i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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