If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
