When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she pinky promised me she was 18
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
