Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
