if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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