I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
