well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
