so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
