I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize