THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
is that a dick in a sweater?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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