im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
