i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
