im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
