I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
