New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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