sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
