So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
