i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
