i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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