Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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