Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
