What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
