You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize