I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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