My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh god it's open bar.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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