Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
