you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
