You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
