the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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