I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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