i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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