In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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