Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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