My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
