Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The adults are the big ones right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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