I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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