I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
