I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love having hate sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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