4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
