chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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