Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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