38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
